Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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