i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
