Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize