I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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