how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
