and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
