I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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