It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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