at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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