so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
