I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
