The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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