I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
