The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
