why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
how does that bad decision feel?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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