is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
