btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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