i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize