I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
