You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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