omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
