i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
