I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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