Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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