The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
