Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
