3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
