The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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