Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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