if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
