Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
