how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
