My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
