piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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