Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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