cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
