I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
