Just fell off a train. Bad.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
