If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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