i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
