i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
