I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
