I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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