your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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