My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
