so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
