Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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