oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
