I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
