Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
