I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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