Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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