nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
