If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
