and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize