Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
