So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i need some magic done to my vagina
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