I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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