you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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