I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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