Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize