I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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