it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
