Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
