We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
