I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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