just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
