woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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