seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
