I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the condom got lost in my hair
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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