What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
